On Wanting to be Stephenie Meyer

It's Saturday morning. I went to bed last night with the idea that I want to be Stephenie Meyer and I woke up this morning with the same idea consuming my mind. See, I heard yesterday that "Twilight", the book, came about because Stephenie Meyer, the author, dreamed it. Ok, ok, she didn't dream the entire book exactly; rather, she dreamed of a field where forbidden love existed in the hearts of two young people. When she woke from her dream, she decided to explore this idea further. Why was their love forbidden? Under what circumstances could love exist yet not be realized or acted upon? And "Twilight" was soon born. Wow! All of that (the four book series) from nothing more than a 30 second dream. Or maybe it was 60 seconds. Who knows. However long the dream lasted, it was but a fleeting thought or idea in the mind of a very creative woman who wouldn't let it go. So I went to bed last night and woke this morning wanting to "be" SM. As I think through what that means, I realize that I don't really want to "BE" her. . . I just want to live her experience. I want to dream. I want to write. I want millions to read my first novel and have millions more standing in line to get their hands on a copy of my second novel. I want to be caught up in the crazy wonderfulness of it all. Makes me wonder if it's possible. Are we all wired in such a way that any experience is possible for any of us at any given time? Or are we all so different - so unique - that "Twilight" was possible only through and by Stephenie Meyer? Free Will? Destiny? I think there's some philosophical question lurking in my mind. Too bad I suck at philosophy. Makes my head spin! At times, I like to think that free will is possible. . . for each and every one of us. I like to believe that we can all choose, create, make decisions that will bring about authentic living. I like to believe - sometimes - that this life of mine can be anything I want it to be. But! There's a whole lotta responsibility in that kinda thinking! So. . . there are an equal number of times that I find myself thinking just the opposite. I am not in control of anything. I have no say. Regardless of what decisions and choices I make for myself, my life - my being - is pre-destined, pre-planned and nothing I say or do will change it. Actually, there's some comfort in thinking that way. No matter how bad life gets, I can always choose to believe there's nothing I can do about it. I can blame it all on someone else. God! Heaven! The Universe! The Devil! Someone - something - bigger than myself. When life sucks, I can just kick back - take no responsibility - point the finger and say. . . "he did it." Ah. Yes. A way out. I leave myself a way out. When the going gets tough, I'm all over the pre-destined kinda thinking. But! On days like today, when I wake up wanting something more, I find myself standing - feet firmly planted - in the camp of free will thinkers. I wonder. I wonder if it's possible that life can be a little bit of both? Maybe some things are pre-destined. Like the day we are born or the day we die or the way in which we die or the number of children we have or who our mates shall be. Things like that. Big, big issues are decided for us. Out of our control. No choice. And maybe just maybe everything else - all the details in between - are left to us. While I clearly can't BE Stephenie Meyer because I'm Karen Kay Karnes Quinn, perhaps I can be like her. Perhaps I can write a book. Perhaps I can sell a million copies. Perhaps. Will I? Or will I just sit here waiting for God or the Universe or someone or something else to show me the path I am to travel.