It's Raining Inside

So much anger. Where does it come from? Emotions wore out my sleeve. It’s now wrinkled and crinkled and tattered and torn. So easily offended. So easily I cry. So easily hurt. Hurt, hurt, hurt. What do I do? With all of this shit? Where do I put it? I can’t stuff it down. I can’t eat it all, not anymore. I can’t gamble it away. Not anymore. I can’t cover it up with a pill or some booze. Not anymore. Not anymore. I can’t, I can’t. Not anymore. So what do I do? Where does it go? The shelves are all full; there’s no place to go. I am confused. So lost. So unknown. I used to know. There once was a place for my heartache to go. But not anymore. I’m not sure what happened. I really don’t know. I woke up one day to a . . . life? I don’t know. I was lost. I was strange. I looked in the mirror, but I wasn’t me anymore. Scared I was. Scared I stayed. Feeling so lost. I felt raw and betrayed. But who had done this? Who was to blame? Just that girl in the mirror, the one without name. Bitch I dared call her and bitch she remained. Till I just couldn’t take it, not another day. So I covered it up, this monster inside. I ate and I ate and I gambled in shame. When that didn’t work, I took pills. All in vain. Bitch wouldn’t leave, she only remained. Actually, she grew and she grew until she owned even my name. Now here I sit - worse off then before. The monster inside owns all that I am. Is that really so bad? All that’s left is the mad. Maybe through madness, through all of the pain, I can fight my way out and reclaim my soulless name. I guess I will try. Nothing else to do. I’m all out of pills and food doesn’t taste like it used to. God, if you’re there, if you’re listenin’ to me, please give me strength. Without it, I’m doomed.