No More Walls

I don't know when, why or how, but somewhere along the way I was taught that the world is a big ol' scary place. It was not a safe place where I could just be me. I was vulnerable. I wasn't pretty enough or smart enough or strong enough or witty enough or talented enough to live in this world. . . or so I thought. Out of fear and at a very early age, I learned to put up walls - defenses - to keep Karen safe. With each new perceived threat, my walls got bigger, taller, tougher so much so that they almost consumed me. They could not, would not be penetrated. . . or so I thought. And then it happened. Someone got through. Someone came along and proved to me that the world was not nearly as scary as I believed. She taught me that unconditional love does exist. She taught me that people could and would love me for me. I didn't have to hide anymore. I could tear down the walls one at a time and let people in. She showed me that I didn't have to live in fear anymore. I could take off the mask. I could be me and I could do it safely. How did she do it? Hmm. I'm not really sure when or how it began, but slowly over time she gained my trust. And as that trust grew, I let her in. Just a little at a time. I allowed her to see glimpses of the real me, and she didn't run away. She stayed! The more of the "real" me I allowed her to see, the more vulnerable I became. I didn't have my strong walls to keep me safe - not with her anyway. And she just kept right on staying. Being my friend. Loving me in spite of my guardedness, my defensiveness, my flaws. The safety I felt with her gave me a confidence I'd never known before. And with that new found confidence, I allowed myself to become more real, more vulnerable with others. And much to my surprise, they didn't leave either. They stayed! What I have learned is that the world is not nearly as scary as I once believed. It is or can be a wonderful place full of people with many of the same vulnerabilities I have. If only we could all let down the walls. Come out of hiding. Each of us reaching our full potential - not allowing fear to hold us back or hold us down. Teaching our children from a very early age that there is no need to hide. What a world this would be. While I can't save the world from a tormented life of isolation, I can do my part. I can reach out on a daily basis to others and show them, like my friend showed me, that life really is better on the other side of the wall. And to the friend who saved my life. . . Thank You! I will pay it forward, I promise.